Pity the Fool
by Sine Qua Non
The moment I got that message I wanted to say hey you I missed you, the banter, the exchange, the language only you and i understood, the visual wonders, the majestic sounds that covered the wavelengths of our souls that couldn’t touch. something prevented me from pursuing our conversations, the fascinatingly similar trains of thought. i think i’ve said it before, the things that stood in our way. i try to recall now, i do, but i don’t really remember. all i could think of now is gosh dude i haven’t had any real decent conversation about anything of intrinsic interest to me since the last time i heard from you. and for that, i hate you. i hate it.
So the message was there, dripping with all the signs and shit of cosmic awareness or lack thereof. But all I did was stare at it, triumph at the fruit of my resistance (yes, now i know that i don;t always have to give in to the temptation. because you came to, there is gratification indeed), and waited. And let you wait. And then lose thought of what I wanted to say. And even what I should say. Until I there was nothing left because I couldn’t even think of what i could say. Crap.I think that’s when I scared you away. Because time is tricky. And it’s gold, too. But we couldn’t put it on our teeth and own it, could we?
I had a decent reply and more to share but that was that. Towards the end, you needed to be filled, like you always do. I said get some bread but you ate chicken instead. Now you’re asleep and I was left staring at a screen full of words that mean so much and mean nothing. I feel no more regret at the lack of promptness between us. I miss you, I do, but now i can just shrug my shoulders and say well that was that.
Everytime this happens, I keep thinking, is it my fault? when you leave too soon, lose interest, disappear? Or perhaps you were never really there to begin with. Now I’m being overly dramatic and that’s just utter bullshit. I think you just want some prompting from little ole me. Me, who’s waiting for prompting from lil ole you.
And actually, you’ve given it, albeit with imminent subtlety. Now, the green light beside your name is gone. I’ll have to wait again for the signal for me to go. Go. Go. Go.
(This is not good. The spontaneous combustion of thoughts. I cannot allow this to happen to often. I am showing the world a sliver of my soul.)