Quite Something

by Sine Qua Non

For self-preservation I have tried convincing myself that you are not the one for me. And even if you were, you probably wouldn’t give in to fate and fulfill that destiny. All the time, in my head, when we talk, when you hold me, when we kiss, when you’re inside me, when you reach for me, when you look at me and make your way to tear my heart into shreds, my brain struggles to keep everything together by sending out reminders to the rest of my being: he has no love for you, no way you will ever be together and get into a relationship. And I keep my cool. I stand my ground. I emerge whole. Supposedly, point for me. Yay.

Tonight I have decided to put an end to the foolishness.

No, not because I have found any clue to the truth of the things above. I still do not know whether you will take me seriously or not. I have not the slightest idea if you look at me in any other way aside from the hot stuff you take me for. But I like you. A lot. And, really, it’s quite the opposite of living life to the fullest if I shoot down possibilities even just inside my head. Yes, we have the liberty to believe. It’s just not a very good idea to believe that things will not happen for you. Faith was created for those who allow themselves to dream. They’re the romantics. Last I checked, I am quite one romantic. Except, for some, reason you’ve pushed me to hang that part of myself in the closet.

Not anymore. I permit myself to fall. And as I wait for my pair of wings to grow, I will revel in the possibility that, maybe one day, one of these days, soon, really, you’ll run to me, pull me towards you and say: Yeah, well. You’re quite something. Something I don’t think I can live without.

 Really, believe me, it’s not quite delusion. I am just allowing myself to hope, and believe.

Take the cue, universe. You know what to do.