by Sine Qua Non

you fail to understand the depth and breadth of what i feel for you

you have reduced me to a pre-dawn secret, a controlled passion, and calculated affection.

you have managed to make me feel so small. i refuse to be made to feel small. especially not by the one i have chosen to love so hard for so long. do not get me wrong, i did not ask and do not ask for anything in return. i just wish you’d stop toying with what i feel and realize that there is pain in knowing that i cannot have you because you cannot choose me. i love you freely but it does not mean that it is easy for me to live with the reality that you are not and will never be mine.

do not treat me like a kept woman, a substitute fuck, a quick remedy for routine, an alternative to absence.

that is not who i wish to be in your life. that is not the kind of love i can give.

you say you love me. in your ways, yes you do. it doesn’t mean though that if you love you cannot hurt me with as much intensity too.

i love you and it’s killing me.