by Sine Qua Non

i keep on wanting to start writing but i could not, i do not know where to start, how to start. so i begin with admitting that i really couldn’t start just to get myself going. i do not want this entry to sound like another confession, another ramble prompted by my inability to really tell you what i feel. but i guess, i have to begin here.

i am angry. am hurt, deeply. i don’t know anymore what you think, what you make of you and me. i feel like this is all a joke, all nonsense to you. i feel like you really don’t understand the depth of what i feel. that you take me so lightly makes me feel even more frustrated. that you restrain sweetness, that you employ even a bit of nonchalance ticks me off.

i miss you. i miss us, i miss what we had, no matter how ironic to have something we really didn’t have. but now i have to just settle with the thought that to you, i do not really matter as much as you matter to me. that i will always be the one yearning, longing, hoping, feeling too much. i still weep, in the morning when i wake at night before sleeping, after conversations with you and at every moment you cross my mind. i weep and if the tears dont fall, i cave in silently and the world loses me. i dont know when this will end. i hope it will be soon, because everyday it just becomes more apparent that we just have to say goodbye