Matchbox Maladies

Catastrophic uncertainty of the self.

Month: May, 2013

The One Person You Never Really Get Over

by Thought Catalog

You murderer. Bang, bang.

Thought Catalog

There will always be that one person you’ll never really get over. I know, I know, Connie Chung delivering groundbreaking news over here, but it’s true. Sure, you can go days, weeks, months, years without thinking of them but the second you see their face or their name gets mentioned in passing, your stomach drops and you feel like you could puke. You’ve lost control and all of these feelings suddenly rise to the surface to say, “Sup? Have you missed us?’ You’ll hate yourself for this, for all of it. You won’t be able to recognize why this one person can still garner this type of reaction. Why is your mind punking you? It almost feels like a betrayal. You want to give your emotions a stern talking to and say, “Um, hi. I thought we were over this? So why am I getting super nervous and spazzy at…

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7 Go-To Plays For The Awkward Daters

by Thought Catalog

Thought Catalog

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7 Go-To Plays For The Awkward Daters

1. Jump Out To An Early Lead, Then Kill The Clock.

Start the date with prepared jokes and statements — ones that you may or may not have gotten on the Internet. They’ll make you come off more intelligent or witty than your tongue-tying nerves typically allow. Once you’ve used your best material, proceed to milk the brownie points you’ve earned by playing it safe and saying/doing very little. Ideally you’ll have done enough positive in the first few minutes to earn a second date, allowing you to do pretty much nothing but exist for the latter portion of the rendezvous.

2. Play Conservatively

When you meet, will there be a handshake or a hug? If it’s a hug, will it be like a full on bring it in chest smush, or a side shoulder, one arm type deal? Fundamentally sound awkward daters know not to initiate the first greeting…

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