by Sine Qua Non

i am anxious

i keep embracing myself from an imagined cold. because the air isn’t exactly cold. it’s just the feeling of a void beginning to wrap its icy fingers around my frail body and i find myself unable to move. my productivity is dropping to an all-time low and all i want to do is wash clothes and then lie down in bed ans stare at the walls

i do not understand why i am feeling this way

all i know is that i feel almost immobile, struck from the center as if a nail has pierced me from the gut and stuck me to the wall.

i want to cry but while my sight is blurred by the wave of liquified emotion the wail is trapped in the cage of my ribs and it begins to squeeze my heart and it begins to stifle the breath and life in me

i cannot move i only tremble and shake and stagger to breathe

and i could not understand why

i could not understand why

i want to rip my skin open and bleed

i want to wound myself and feel pain

i want to bleed

i want to bleed

i want to hurt some more

i want to understadn the pain

i want to bleed

i dont know what’s wrong i just dont know whats wrong