Matchbox Maladies

Catastrophic uncertainty of the self.

Month: November, 2013

by Sine Qua Non

resistance is futile.

 

as if it’s something i don’t already know. and i don’t know what to do next. or i do ┬ábut then i’m so tempted to just continue this conversation with you. but there you go ignoring me again. and it hurts like an injury. i knew i shouldn’t have answered that call. it was just a link and i didn’t actually know what it meant.

 

but here i am now. on the waiting end. i should forget about you. or find a way to let all my feelings through.

 

i wish you’d just talk to me for real. tell me what you feel.

i wish you’d want to see me and let me know and take me out and close this gap and make everything all right.

i love you. but you make it so hard.

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another letter to be sent

by Sine Qua Non

(well a lot of time has passed and the feelings have simmered down and made way for somewhere else. i’ve had dreams about marrying a classmate from grade school, and then there’s waking up in the morning and knowing — hey i’m not over it yet, shucks!)

 

I remember you like this: humming under dim yellow lights, your choice of poison in one hand, and all of your secrets on the other. So its your ayes that caress me and I feel you love me but refuse to take hold of.

This is what I know: that you are ever so tender and you hide it so unfortunately; see I remember the way you laughed with me, the way you held my hand, the way for moments we let pass and distilled only in memory, we slid ourselves into each other palms and lay rest there, believing we belonged nowhere else. But on the surface of your skin, speaking to me in pulses and beats.

I love you dearest. Remember you fondly. The way you held me, the way you held on, the way you held tight.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

As if the last one breathed of an embrace that would protect you until moonlight ceased to rise and fall.

I love you and it feels good to let It out. I chew the sound in the crevices where words lived under the tongue, in-between teeth. I love you. And I will let it all out!