bakit bigla kang nanligamgam

by Sine Qua Non

Maihinga ko lang habang naghahain na ng pagkain sa mesang aking kinalalagyan. Isa lang ang gusto kong itanong, bakit biglang ikaw ay nanligamgam?

Sure it seems i invented a word right there, but I purposely did it to keep a rhyme. i’m supposed to be busy writing a new play but frankly i just couldn’t concentrate. i’d like to be able to type away in this small laptop with every ounce of passion, discipline, and inspiration but seems that the source for that last bit just dried up today. And I’m really really frustrated. I don’t get it.

Naiinis ako kasi hindi kita maintindihan. at eto na naman ako, mistulang manghuhula na naman. sawang-sawa na ako, puwede ba, sa katatantsa ng mga tulad niyong pakiramdam ko ang tingin sa akin ay puwede na. Please ayoko nang muling umibig sa mga tulad niyong sa dulo ng lahat ay hindi pala ako pipiliin kahit na sa araw-araw na dumaan hindi ka na nawaksi sa aking isipan.

The thing is you’ve helped me get over the last guy and for that I am truly grateful but because you, through your own doing, your own being, have revived in me the same ugly feeling and unfortunately it’s even more painful than just pining for someone who I’ve always hoped would choose me, all that I’m feeling right now is that I’ll never be the choice, and will always be the one on standby in case you don’t find her yet

and that sucks you know cause you are supposed to be my friend, you’re supposed to understand the kind of shit I’ve gone through and would really rather avoid going through again; so if you’re just going to treat me like shit i’m just not up for that if only i could just spit this in your face then maybe everything won’t be so out of whack

god im hurting pretty bad and i couldn’t function and all i could think of is jumping off a bridge now or the future where there wouldn’t be anyone to hold my hand

im trying really hard to purge all these and just move on and clear my head and dissipate the anger, curb the desire, and yeah well honestly wish everyone who hurt me were dead

why do i have to go through shit like this what the hell did i do

when i wake up tomorrow oh lord please please please help me tell me what to doooo

 

i hate you *** i hate you

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